God's promise

[A's Mommy]

Dear friends,

I, like you, have been through so much on this PNE journey.

A while ago, while in praise and worship at my church service, God put in my spirit that I would be healed completely and live long years to testify about it. Many times, more often than you might think, this has given me peace.

However, in the midst of the storm, when my pain is searing, my darling daughter is crying for her mommy who can't play with her, my house is a mess with dog hair and the laundry is piled up and my overworked and overstressed husband comes home from work, it seems SO FAR AWAY.

I believe that this is the hardest test of faith. Faith in believing with all my heart, as God wants me to, that I will be indeed completely healed. And the reality, in the natural, that my body suffers and aches for relief.

I decided that what I would do is take my faith up a notch: testify about my healing in advance. I live with 10/10 pain, will see a pain management specialist soon, will have surgery (I hope REALLY soon), and just turned 30.

But, God promised me my complete healing and restoration, so here I am, testifying about it.

[HerMajesty]

Yes, never wait until you are well to testify - God can use you NOW.
My lifetime of chronic illness pales in comparison to the honor of bring used by God and growing in spiritual maturity.
Are you familiar with the John Waller song, "While I'm Waiting" ? I hope so, it is your theme song Dear. If you don't already own it, download it and play it for yourself every day

[kat]

A's Mommy - Happy Birthday! You said you just turned 30 so congratulations.
God healed 50% of me after 32 years with this so you should have no problem healing.
I'm not sure why this is the road I'm on. I do have a thick skull though and sometimes he has to talk loudly for me to understand.
PNE is a message that is loud and clear.
I think I'm here to help others cope with this condition. I had no help until 6 months ago and am spreading the word of this condition to all the docs that misdiagnosed me.
I'm acting as the arch angel Michael and battling this condition while battling ignorance of this condition to docs.
I can go at lease another 9 rounds and trust that the docs. will listen and save the next girl from a life like mine.

You will make it. We all will.

Kathy

[kamu]

Hi Everyone...Unlike the hopeful comments I've just read that help to inspire me, I have been really struggling with my feelings toward God...I find it very difficult to go on day after day - in pain - and in good spirits as well. I'm 66 years old and have been attempting to follow The Lord since my conversion experience at 38 - I admire the way you all seem to be sure that God will ultimately bring about complete healing...and I wish fervently that I could truly feel that way for myself. I don't doubt God's existence, but it feels as if my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling in my very lonely senior citizens apartment. Most of the time driving (sitting) is too painful...so I have been unable to go to church since May...before then, when the pain was more tolerable and I was going from one doctor to another hoping for a diagnosis. I used to take my 91 year old dad to church almost every week. I managed to take care of him 3-4 times a week and have been able to care for my granddaughter full time...from birth until she turned 4 this past May. After having lost both my younger brother 5 years ago and my mom to Alzhiemers 4 years ago - the birth of Norah Grace was, I felt, a gift from God - to bring joy into my life...and that she did for four wonderful years. The love we shared helped me to heal emotionally. The loss of that precious time with Norah and my dad has been quite devastating. My daughter will be having her second child in February and unless there is a miracle in store for me, I won't be able to take care of my new grandchild or really be of much help to my daughter. I actually feel kind of jealous of the person who now gets to be with my granddaughter every day and will most likely be taking care of the new baby as well. Going from daily seeing and being with my family - to days that become weeks, weeks that become months - where I am mostly alone, except for my two cats, who curl up right near me - I'm alone with WAY too much time to think - way too much TV, which at least can sometimes temporarily distract me from the pain - my attitude is often fearful and my tears have been many. I am filled with disappointment and I guess I feel like I'm grieving for my previous life...I'm stuck here...in a prison of sorts...changing position from lying on one side to the other side, from the couch during the day to the bed at night...I was diagnosed this past July, by Dr. Conway and have had two sets of bilateral blocks with Dr. Quasada...so far not much relief....have tried gabapentin and amitryptoline and now switched to lyrica and nortryptoline for the past two weeks...trying to hang on to hope, praying for God to increase my faith and give me a sense of His presence....I would so appreciate your prayers...I am praying for God to "create in me a clean heart." May He bless us one and all...

[HerMajesty]

I admire the way you all seem to be sure that God will ultimately bring about complete healing

Hello Kamu,
In response to this I would just like to let you know that I am far from sure God will bring me complete healing in this life, in fact while I have not been clued into His plan in this regard, I am working on the assumption that I probably will not have complete healing. Complete healing would not even feel "normal" to me as I have been chronically ill for 25 years.
I respect that A's Mommy has received this promise from the Lord. I have not. What I have received is enough healing to be of use to Him, and the strength from the Spirit to stand up under the rest.
This is a fallen world and ugly things happen to people..."everything will be OK" is often just not true, but it is always true that through the Spirit we can have joy beyond our circumstances.
One of many amazing things in the writings of the Apostle Paul (were you aware that he undertook his ministry while in chronic pain?):
"And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

[Mod8]

Hi Kamu,

I can understand your feelings regarding that of your grandchildren. I often watch my daughter (she's 22 yers old) go on outings with her Aunt. without me. They even go on holidays together. it breaks my heart that I can't go on trips with her.
I then thank God for my sister -in-law who has taken on this 'motherly' role towards my daughter. I used to get very upset about it all but my daughter doesn't love me any less. We try to do things together on the days when I feel better. I make an extra effort into taking her out to see a movie or go for lunch etc. your grandchildren will love you just as much whether you're able to take care of them or not. You could consider lying down next to them and read a story or sing with them. Don't feel shut out just because you can't lift or carry them. They'll grow to understand that Grandma can't lift or carry. They'll soon be helping you and will enjoy whatever you can manage to offer.

Catherine

[patti]

Hi Kamu,
Thank you for sharing some very honest feelings about your faith and also struggles with isolation and disappointments from this disease. I do understand how you are feeling! I do believe in the power of prayer and having faith in God in spite of pain and suffering. The way I understand it is God never promised we wouldn't experience pain and suffering in our life, but he does promise to always be there for us to bring comfort and guide us through if we come to him. So I continue to have faith that God will show me the way through this terrible disease, mostly through prayer.

You sound like a very loving and caring person having cared for your Dad and Grandaughter for so many years. I'm sure you and your Grandaughter share a very special bond from that time together. I hope and pray you will be able to care for your new grandchild - maybe not in the same physical way as Norah Grace, but certainly with the same love and attention.

You said that your doctor has recently put you on a regime of lyrica and nortryptoline. Has that been working any better for the pain? I hope so.

Take Care and God Bless,
Patti


"the nice thing about Hope is that you can give it to someone else, someone who needs it even more than you do, and you will find you have not given yours away at all"

Maya Angelou

[kamu]

Hi Everyone...Just a quick note to say thanks a bunch for your responses...and most importantly I'm grateful for your prayers. Don't think the meds are helping much, maybe a little...but this past week or so I've had some visits from my family and friends, which has helped me to feel more "a part of" instead of feeling so isolated. I got to spend an evening with my granddaughter, which was truly an answer to prayer. My brother and nephew came over and did some heavy cleaning and delivered a leather sofa (my old one was really old and uncomfortable). My brother and his wife are redecorating, so they gave me their old sofa, which is just like brand new and it goes really well with my persian rug! Their thoughtfulness and generosity of spirit and substance..their support - really helped me emotionally. I found an old book I had begun years ago but never finished - "Making Sense out of Suffering" by Peter Kreeft, and the timing cannot be a co-incidence...For the first time in a long time, my wilting spirit has perked up a bit. I've mentioned the idea of having a small group - to two friends of mine (who have been so faithful with their help and encouragement) to maybe read this book together and pray together, for each other and our families...and for all the folks who suffer with PN and other maladies that cause so much pain...I hope it will come to pass...meanwhile, I will try to keep myself motivated to feed my mind and spirit with scripture and things that strengthen my faith...My heartfelt thanks for your prayers...

[A's Mommy]

Kamu,

I'm so encouraged that you seem to be doing a bit better. Praise God!

Today's one of those "bad" days for me. I'm confused, doubting God, doubting the Word, and everything else. I know these are all LIES from the enemy. God promised me my healing. I have to hold onto it.

I'm wondering why we can't just lay hands on the sick and they will recover, just as Jesus said in the Word. There is a man named Todd White who has developed so much faith that he goes out on the streets and prays for people to be healed and some do get healed. Not by Todd's power but by God's power working through him.

If only our faith could be strengthend to that point...

Lord help us all.

A's Mommy

[pianogal]

Hi A's Mommy, I am proud of you for posting. I was afraid to post my own promise, for fear it would discourage others who did not have such clear answers.. but even clear answers feel like fog. And it is supposed to be a witness I think.

So here goes...
2 weeks before my surgery with Dr. Bautrant, I opened up at random to 7+ verses that all had to do with walking through the water and finding healing... perhaps I should post more... but they have matched locations I've visited and all had water in them and all were found at random, the only things I read that 2 weeks... it kept blowing me away... and the last verse kinda gave me the answer I'd be healed for sure and completely. Knowing I received these verses gave me hope. Yet, knowing there were so many verses made me realize this might be an enormous test of faith, since I was given so many verses of encouragement... like I'd need them all or something.

To Kamu...
Throughout this journey, I've continued to be angry with God and doubt him, to feel like my prayers hit the ceiling, etc. I just don't get it. Sometimes I wonder if the pain continues because I don't have the right attitude of faith. I am truly having a hard time being close to God when he lets me go through this, and I feel undeserving. Having to care for my daughter, watch my potential singing career be nearly fruitless, and see my house and body in shambles while my friends are in shape, happy, and complaining about minor details... it hurts. I honestly don't get it. It has gotten to where it hurts too much to cry about this, to ask God to change it, to try to fix this.... it hurts too much to hurt, so me, a very expressive person, has somehow bottled and stuffed this pain inside.

Kamu, is there a way you could be taken to your grandkids once a week? Laying in the back of the car? It's ok to lay with kiddos... I have had my daughter 4 years inable to take care of her like other moms, but she understands and loves me... and she makes me feel better than medicine. Also, about church, can you be bold and request they put a couch, any old couch, in the back of the sanctuary for you? They have finally put couches at my church due to a guy w/pain requesting it... whereas I hung out in the ladies room for 7 years not even considering that a solution as simple as "asking" existed. Since you're older, they'll be even more likely to understand. I am so so sorry about all you're having to go through... and alone. You are not alone, cause we are here too...

In case anyone is curious about the verses that I received which are my only hope through God... here they are:
but first off, I don't recommend flipping at random to verses in the bible, it's just my faith has taken such a beating from this pain that this is how low I got... it was all I could do.
1- right after I decided to go to France for surgery w/Dr. Bautrant, I prayed... "I'm afraid." Then, I flipped open to this verse ( whole passages in links, parts that spoke most to me are quoted here):
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
"Fear not, When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
I looked up the history of that verse, and it was about God parting the waters of the red sea, saving the isrealites from slavery in egypt to take them to the promised land... as they walked through the waters....

2- Minutes later, I started to doubt, and prayed, ok God, is this just a fluke that I got this happy verse... if so, please let me land on a terrible one... if you really mean this, please let me find another good one... and this is what I flipped to
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
I will have compassion on you,"
says the LORD your Redeemer.
To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.

3 - Then, a few days later, my 2 year old at the time brought me a picture of Moses parting the waters saying "we can thank God taking care of us just like Moses and the Isrealisted did. They wanted to thank God for using his great power to take care of them."

4- Still feeling freaked out about surgery...reading about people who have complications, I read this:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
"Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
mightier than the breakers of the sea—
the LORD on high is mighty."

5- and then immediately after, these verses:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
"You are the God who performs miracles;
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron."
What impressed me was that God's freeing was visible as if it was by the hands of Moses and Aaron, though His footprints were not seen, encouraging me that doctors would do the actions, but God would bring the healing.

6- I still kept questioning if this really meant healing, or just perhaps God helping me through a tough life. I was freaking out if I was taking the right path, and I literally prayed in tears "God, please heal me... lead me... guide me" and opened up to this:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him,
creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near,"
says the LORD. "And I will heal them."
But the wicked are like the tossing sea


7- feeling so encouraged I then immediately flipped to this amazing passage titled "healing of the water"
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
2 kings 2:19
"The men of the city said to Elisha, "Look, our lord, this town is well situated, as you can see, but the water is bad and the land is unproductive."
"Bring me a new bowl," he said, "and put salt in it." So they brought it to him.
Then he went out to the spring and threw the salt into it, saying, "This is what the LORD says: 'I have healed this water. Never again will it cause death or make the land unproductive.' "

The first time I read it, I didn't even realize it was called "healing of the waters" but the second time I read it, it hit me... So, I was really convinced I'd be totally healed.

And then I opened up to Jesus with Peter walking on the water, the end of the book of Job, and... it was crazy.

7- right after my surgery, I opened up to this:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Now it's been 2 years post surgery, post amazing verses coming to me... and I'm still waiting...and not surprised... it's kinda how God works making things really impossible to show his power. But it makes me wonder why I keep going to doctors... and afraid that perhaps my doubts have cancelled out these promises.or delayed them...

I'm not one who's easy to believe the incredible, so I think it took a lot to get me even close to believing...

I think I forgot one of the verses to include here... but close enough.

Now, here's where it gets weird locationally...

1st verse:
Fear not, When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
-landed in Aix en Provence for surgery with Dr. Bautrant to find it's a city known for its waters... fountains everywhere in the whole town...

and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
-landed in Minnesota for injections with Dr. Antolak, and realize it's the land of lakes. (perhaps I am stretching it here... but I've had a long time to think about this...)

When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
-I am going next to Phoenix, AZ to see Dr. Hibner. The Phoenix is a mythical creature that is rebirthed through the flames. Hmmm...???

Final verse:
The men of the city said to Elisha, "Look, our lord, this town is well situated, as you can see, but the water is bad and the land is unproductive."
"Bring me a new bowl," he said, "and put salt in it." So they brought it to him.
Then he went out to the spring and threw the salt into it, saying, "This is what the LORD says: 'I have healed this water. Never again will it cause death or make the land unproductive.' "[
- I just noticed there is a "Salt River" right next to Dr. Hibner's office... I've been searching on google for "salt" locations for quite some time, just hoping a doctor would be near to something salt water ish.... I know it's crazy... and this part may not mean anything.... but it gives me some hope... And... the pelvis is often called a pelvic BOWL. So... will I get a "new bowl"? Will I get a ligament replaced? let's see...

Although I don't know HOW all this is going to happen, I do know that even though I may be reading into the locations of things, one thing is clearly miraculous. I could NOT have randomly opened up to all these verses that all have water in them without God's intervention, especially how they answered my questions and prayers right at that time... It is statistically impossible. But why am I still in pain??? I don't know.

And the weird signs keep happening. We went to this healing prayer place, and the song playing was words saying "you'll skip the desert, go through the water, and go right to the promised land." ok???

and right after getting off the phone with Dr. Metzger, a random lady at my daughter's preschool comes up to me, telling me about her son's play about Moses taking the Isrealites through the water to the promised land, and the title of the play? It's..."ARE WE THERE YET?" After I just got off the phone saying how I just want this to be over as fast as possible.

The only time I go help my daughter's awana class, they are doing Jesus calming the stormy sea?

There are really not only verses on WATER in the bible.... and I've never opened up to such a stream of them...

And since then, I've tried to make this happen again, but it's not happening. It's like, it happened, now believe.

Although... in typical me... am I believing? No... all I can believe right now is that I hurt and I feel like God has abandoned me forever. I just can't get these verses and hope into my thick skull.

But in typing this again, I am going to try once again to believe. I have little excuses not to anymore.

When this pain first started 7 years ago, I got a verse from God about restoring all the years the locusts had devoured, regarding my musical career being so stagnant and dying due to my pain... just cause you get a verse doesn't mean it gets answered right away.

I think that's what's driving me crazy. I want a timeline. I want to know it will be next month. I want it to be now. I want to be done with this. I want to be free. I want to know when. Not knowing when the end is is just driving me crazy. What if God makes it all better for me after 40 years more of pain? Why would he give me all these verses of hope if it wouldn't be a severe trial of faith? Although perhaps he gave me so many cause he knew I'm a faith weakling and needed all the help I could get to get over this hurdle.... I'm not as strong faithed as many people... I don't take good news as "mine" until after it's happened... and even then, I wonder what's gonna go wrong. Glass half empty personality I guess. Doubting Thomas. I just don't like being disappointed.

Well, that's my story thus far... I admire A's Mommy for her unwavering faith. She'll probably get better before me, cause I am still such a weakling with regards to keeping hope alive. But I am hoping for God to have grace on me even though my faith is so small. As soon as someone says I won't get better, then I find my faith gets really strong and I adamently say, "yes, I will... God gave me verses saying I would." It's strange how my mind works... or doesn't.

Well, sorry, this is long. Hope it helps someone.