Oh dear... difficult situation.
My mum has had problems with dementia too, in her case it is vascular dementia not Alzheimer's, it can be so hard to manage can't it. She's in a nursing home now, but before she went to live there she had carers coming in four times a day to help with washing and dressing, also to cook her meals and make sure she took her meds, this was all paid for by her DLA. We found that the social services were wonderful, really, so helpful and lots of good ideas. Perhaps you could have a word with whoever is looking after her case?
It is exactly two weeks since your surgery. You need to be thinking about a bare minimum of six to eight weeks just to get over the surgery, physically I mean. It isn't surprising you are tired - you have only just got the anaesthetic out of your system. Listen to your body, you need to rest. You are
not lying around doing nothing - you are resting and healing, your body needs you to do this.
I'm going to suggest a book to you -
this one. The author has had chronic pain for a long time - spinal problems, I can't recall the details - and writes as someone who knows what it is actually like, rather than someone just theorising. This book was recommended to me by a psychologist whom I saw via my GP, for help with pain management. At first I just borrowed this book from the library, but then I got my own copy as I was continually renewing it. It has helped me a lot. I was very sceptical that reading a book could help, but it did.
And remember that flares are horrendous whilst they last, but they do settle down. Mr D did warn you that things were likely to be stirred up, he had that right.
Oh dear, I wish I could just pop round and make you a cup of tea!
Remember that book. Worth a try, I promise!