Do take strong breathing slowly in clean air, Take multi-vitamin consistently,
Share your problems with your family, Consume 2/3 cup of water....
Vicodin and crying, depression
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Hi everyone
I happened to come on tonight in hopes of reading about relationships and saw this thread.
Im so thankful for you guys.. and having folks who understand...
I haven't been able to sit for about 4 yrs (and so many treatments have failed ) even the pain pump thus far (after 15 months ...as docs here in my NY area just don't have much experience in how to dose it for Pudendal issues with IC... my dang bladder seems to always interfere and cause side effects with meds.. ( also my fear that my bladder will react doesn't help!)
My issue is I feel very misunderstood by my hubby!
Today I heard about a hospital in Boston ( about 5 hours from home...in fact our son attends college in Boston) This hospital is Brigham and Womens --- it apparently has a great pain pump experienced pain center, according to an online friend who is about to get her pump implanted there.
I mentioned it to my hubby, saying maybe they could help me...( as things have come to a bit of a halt with my local doc and we can't make any changes until De. as he is away in India.
When I mentioned the above option (Boston) ...Hubby said "No way....Im not taking you all the way up there, for treatment"
Well, considering that I've thought of flying out to see 'Lotta Nerve's' docotor in LA, California... Boston doesn't' seem all that far!...And i could lie down in the car as I do when we go to visit our son. (no long plane ride needed)
I was so angry with hubby when he dismissed this idea; I reminded him that this is 'my life" we are talking about , and getting it back! I realize how much it affects HIS LIFE as well...I know he just wants normalcy again.
Due to my anger.. I then sent a text to my therapist telling her how disgusted I was with my marriage and the dis-respectful, disdainful way my hubby treats me..Being a novice at texting, I accidentally sent the text to my teen-age son at college!! (I forgot to change the name in the 'send to' option. Now just Im beside myself. I can 't bear to hurt my kids! They've been through so much with me. My son needs us both and the last thing he needs to worry about is our shaky marriage...My daughter (who is very mature for her young age ) also witnessed this.
My kids have been wonderful and loving and hopeful. They are young...age 22, 20 and 14.
Their father has been loyal and has dutifully taken me to years of appmts, but he is emotionally not a warm person; he also can't understand an ailment He can't feel!! He's always been that way..If HE can't feel it personally, then he can't grasp it.
HE makes me feel that I am selfish and I make every thing about Me.
He of course has no clue of how painful it is to have your anal area throbbing every waking minute. and not even to be able to lie comfortably on a nice recliner, not to mention always feeling like you have to pee and/or feeling constipated even when you really aren't
He resents having to do housework that I can't do (mainly the cooking)... we eat a lot of take-out.
I do whatever I can, around the house but hubby hates housework and would love to just sit and be waited on when he comes home from "working all day".He often reminds me HE is the one who "has to work." I would give my right arm to be able to work....that's for sure!
Meanwhile I do my best to accomplish whatever chores I can. I run the household, take care of the kids and try to stay hopeful that my pain will improve by whatever way possible soon! I have various pots on the fire and ideas...all through my own research.
Hubby has never gotten involved in research which also makes me VERY resentful.
Im so scared that I upset my son! He is away from home and feeling a bit homesick at the moment. He sure doesn't need to worry about his parent's marriage.
I am very angry with my husband.. but I have to hold this marriage together for the sake of the kids and frankly cause I need him right how.
But his disdainful treatment of me has taken away any loving feelings I had. He is not the type to go to marriage counselor. He said "maybe' when I mentioned it awhile back, but he can't open up to anyone...not his style.
He believes this is MY problem and if I just grin and bear it ...all will be fine!
Yes I do need to be calmer,but I try hard to deal with pain levels that are quite high every day. I so need to lean on someone but I don't have that option.
Im not sure why Im writing,, just hoping to get some direction or understanding... about how to help my son not be upset!
and to thank you for listening...How can I help my kids and keep them healthy emotionally
until I get better...
I appreciate any responses of a Positive nature!
I try my best to only think positive .Can't handle negativity. I feel lonely and scared a lot of the time..
BTW I have a wonderful therapist. But as someone said after awhile you "hit a wall with talking about this stuff" and it often just makes you feel worse....Distraction is best, for me
Thanks for listening and any positive thoughts suggestion... you guys are wonderful
Thx so much!
Kathy
I happened to come on tonight in hopes of reading about relationships and saw this thread.
Im so thankful for you guys.. and having folks who understand...
I haven't been able to sit for about 4 yrs (and so many treatments have failed ) even the pain pump thus far (after 15 months ...as docs here in my NY area just don't have much experience in how to dose it for Pudendal issues with IC... my dang bladder seems to always interfere and cause side effects with meds.. ( also my fear that my bladder will react doesn't help!)
My issue is I feel very misunderstood by my hubby!
Today I heard about a hospital in Boston ( about 5 hours from home...in fact our son attends college in Boston) This hospital is Brigham and Womens --- it apparently has a great pain pump experienced pain center, according to an online friend who is about to get her pump implanted there.
I mentioned it to my hubby, saying maybe they could help me...( as things have come to a bit of a halt with my local doc and we can't make any changes until De. as he is away in India.
When I mentioned the above option (Boston) ...Hubby said "No way....Im not taking you all the way up there, for treatment"
Well, considering that I've thought of flying out to see 'Lotta Nerve's' docotor in LA, California... Boston doesn't' seem all that far!...And i could lie down in the car as I do when we go to visit our son. (no long plane ride needed)
I was so angry with hubby when he dismissed this idea; I reminded him that this is 'my life" we are talking about , and getting it back! I realize how much it affects HIS LIFE as well...I know he just wants normalcy again.
Due to my anger.. I then sent a text to my therapist telling her how disgusted I was with my marriage and the dis-respectful, disdainful way my hubby treats me..Being a novice at texting, I accidentally sent the text to my teen-age son at college!! (I forgot to change the name in the 'send to' option. Now just Im beside myself. I can 't bear to hurt my kids! They've been through so much with me. My son needs us both and the last thing he needs to worry about is our shaky marriage...My daughter (who is very mature for her young age ) also witnessed this.
My kids have been wonderful and loving and hopeful. They are young...age 22, 20 and 14.
Their father has been loyal and has dutifully taken me to years of appmts, but he is emotionally not a warm person; he also can't understand an ailment He can't feel!! He's always been that way..If HE can't feel it personally, then he can't grasp it.
HE makes me feel that I am selfish and I make every thing about Me.
He of course has no clue of how painful it is to have your anal area throbbing every waking minute. and not even to be able to lie comfortably on a nice recliner, not to mention always feeling like you have to pee and/or feeling constipated even when you really aren't
He resents having to do housework that I can't do (mainly the cooking)... we eat a lot of take-out.
I do whatever I can, around the house but hubby hates housework and would love to just sit and be waited on when he comes home from "working all day".He often reminds me HE is the one who "has to work." I would give my right arm to be able to work....that's for sure!
Meanwhile I do my best to accomplish whatever chores I can. I run the household, take care of the kids and try to stay hopeful that my pain will improve by whatever way possible soon! I have various pots on the fire and ideas...all through my own research.
Hubby has never gotten involved in research which also makes me VERY resentful.
Im so scared that I upset my son! He is away from home and feeling a bit homesick at the moment. He sure doesn't need to worry about his parent's marriage.
I am very angry with my husband.. but I have to hold this marriage together for the sake of the kids and frankly cause I need him right how.
But his disdainful treatment of me has taken away any loving feelings I had. He is not the type to go to marriage counselor. He said "maybe' when I mentioned it awhile back, but he can't open up to anyone...not his style.
He believes this is MY problem and if I just grin and bear it ...all will be fine!
Yes I do need to be calmer,but I try hard to deal with pain levels that are quite high every day. I so need to lean on someone but I don't have that option.
Im not sure why Im writing,, just hoping to get some direction or understanding... about how to help my son not be upset!
and to thank you for listening...How can I help my kids and keep them healthy emotionally
until I get better...
I appreciate any responses of a Positive nature!
I try my best to only think positive .Can't handle negativity. I feel lonely and scared a lot of the time..
BTW I have a wonderful therapist. But as someone said after awhile you "hit a wall with talking about this stuff" and it often just makes you feel worse....Distraction is best, for me
Thanks for listening and any positive thoughts suggestion... you guys are wonderful
Thx so much!
Kathy
-
DakotaGirl
- Posts: 74
- Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 9:18 pm
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Someone once pointed me to insicknessinhealth.blogspot.com
I don't know if that can be of some comfort.
I am sorry for your sorrow and I do understand where you are coming from.
The caregiver, sometimes aka , the husband gets so burned out and frustrated with this awful condition.
I go through it too. It's extremely trying for everyone.
As far as your son goes, they unfortunately find out that the world is going to throw things at them, you, the parents etc. if you have a honest aNd calming discussion with him and try to get him to understand you were upset, venting and it's normal then he won't take it as "the end".
With PN, we sometimes, well mostly tell thing's we wouldn't ordinarily tell others because of the very nature of this condition.
Try not to panic. And know that we probably have In been in your shoes more than once. You are not alone on this one.
I don't know if that can be of some comfort.
I am sorry for your sorrow and I do understand where you are coming from.
The caregiver, sometimes aka , the husband gets so burned out and frustrated with this awful condition.
I go through it too. It's extremely trying for everyone.
As far as your son goes, they unfortunately find out that the world is going to throw things at them, you, the parents etc. if you have a honest aNd calming discussion with him and try to get him to understand you were upset, venting and it's normal then he won't take it as "the end".
With PN, we sometimes, well mostly tell thing's we wouldn't ordinarily tell others because of the very nature of this condition.
Try not to panic. And know that we probably have In been in your shoes more than once. You are not alone on this one.
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Hi Kathy,
So sorry you are having extra family issues along with your pain. You have been a trooper going after all that you can to resolve the pain, asking everyone for input and trying out as much as possible. I agree with Dakota Girl to have a talk with your son and explain as did to us all that your husband has done. Your husband may come around in time some people do have more trouble with things they do not understand and have no background about. Not that I agree but my elder brother could sympathize from the beginning (and more so after his second stroke gave him chronic pain) where my middle brother just asked if they could remove the nerve. He since now realizes more of the impact on my life and even that although he has had issues with raising his son maybe our medical problems are tougher. I hope things settle out for you and you get that Boston treatment after all. Sending TLC your way.
Janet
So sorry you are having extra family issues along with your pain. You have been a trooper going after all that you can to resolve the pain, asking everyone for input and trying out as much as possible. I agree with Dakota Girl to have a talk with your son and explain as did to us all that your husband has done. Your husband may come around in time some people do have more trouble with things they do not understand and have no background about. Not that I agree but my elder brother could sympathize from the beginning (and more so after his second stroke gave him chronic pain) where my middle brother just asked if they could remove the nerve. He since now realizes more of the impact on my life and even that although he has had issues with raising his son maybe our medical problems are tougher. I hope things settle out for you and you get that Boston treatment after all. Sending TLC your way.
Janet
2007-08 pelvic muscles spasms treated by EGS. 6/27/10 sat too long on hard chair- spasms, EGS not work Botox help, cortisone shots in coccyx help, still pain, PT found PNE & sent me to Dr Marvel nerve blocks & MRN, TG left surgery 5/9/11. I have chronic bunion pain surgery at age 21. TG gave me back enough sitting to keep my job & join in some social activities. I wish the best to everyone! 2019 luck with orthotics from pedorthist & great PT allowing me to get off oxycodone.
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Hey, Kathy. Maybe it would help to explain to your son that all marriages have disagreements but that you and your husband have always worked through them and that you will continue to do that. Everyone says things to vent now and then but after the dust settles in the end you work things out. It was just an honest mistake so try not to beat yourself up too much about it.
Maybe after your husband gets used to the idea he might be willing to take you up to Boston for a medical appointment and visit your son at the same time. I remember when I was first talking about going to France to see Bautrant my husband was not too keen on the idea but over time he got used to it and finally agreed I should go. Maybe if you give it a little time he will see the wisdom in going to Boston.
Take care,
Violet
Maybe after your husband gets used to the idea he might be willing to take you up to Boston for a medical appointment and visit your son at the same time. I remember when I was first talking about going to France to see Bautrant my husband was not too keen on the idea but over time he got used to it and finally agreed I should go. Maybe if you give it a little time he will see the wisdom in going to Boston.
Take care,
Violet
PNE since 2002. Started from weightlifting. PNE surgery from Dr. Bautrant, Oct 2004. Pain now is usually a 0 and I can sit for hours on certain chairs. No longer take medication for PNE. Can work full time and do "The Firm" exercise program. 99% cured from PGAD. PNE surgery was right for me but it might not be for you. Do your research.
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Hi Ladies,
Thx so much for your kind and supportive replies. Your advice is really appreciated.. Its helps to know that what I did was a human reaction, caused by dealing with these issues daily.
I do hold much anger for my husband ( tho I know he loves me and treasures our family).
I can remember only once in 8 years , that he commented to me how hard this must be!
And that was when he saw me get yet another useless nerve block..
I would love to have to have his respect expressed occasionally!
His brother- a much warmer and and empathetic person--- always asks how I'm doing... The closest to praise I heard from hubby was "about the same, but she's pretty tough". That was a couple yrs. back. Little does he know!
About my son, thx so much for understanding...My kids have witnessed arguments due to my frustration with my husbands lack of emotional support,in the past.
I think they' get' how we both, feel as they love us both. They seem to be happy and healthy kids... I pray that it stays that way!
I spoke to my son by phone; he acted completely normal, said all was fine at school. So I decided it was best to not bring up my silly comment I made in anger and sent by mistake.
When he gets home for the Thanksgiving holiday I will be able to tell if its something he wants to talk about.
One thing I heard on a talk show was that teen-age boys tend to identify with dads more than their moms,, and the opposite of course with teen-age girls. I sometimes worry that my boys witness my husband's attitude and think maybe Mom is just being emotional, or maybe its not as bad etc.
But my common sense tells me they know otherwise.(they're young adults at ages 20 and 22,and they know me well after many healthy years of raising them (as said by my oldest son).
They also know me as an active social being who at this point in life wouldn't be hanging around the house as much, unless there was pain.
About my husband, I think we could benefit tremendously from counseling, so that we each learn to relate more to how the other is feeling. My therapist once even sent him a kind email (letter) explaining how much emotional as well as physical pain I was in, and gently advised couples counseling .
My husband (stubborn guy that he is) never said a word about it. Tho I was angry, I wasn't surprised!...One cannot even hint that he may need to work on his issues as well, ' his thick "pride" kicks in and he gets insulted.
About Boston, I am going to look into it more with the patient who told me, and if its worthwhile to her, maybe husband may soften.. after all,as you said, Violet, we are used to this trip and can visit our son
Just having a doc with experience in dosing a pump for PN could make a world of difference. By the time this happens. it will be Dec anyway, but it's good to have Boston as a possible back up.
It would take a world of stress off of me and I bet lower the pain, if I had more loving treatment from him.
(He's a good person.. and he does make simple meals,when I don't cook.)
BTW If anyone has a similar type of stubborn, prideful spouse and has gotten them to go to counseling regarding the pain issue,(as it affects the whole family), I'd appreciate your thoughts about how you got him/or her ...to go. I've thought of writing a letter and pouring out my thoughts, but Im not sure if he would ignore this one, too. I know he that considers this "My problem " not his ( ie -- I should keep it more to myself.. hard to do when pain is un- relenting. (venting as we know sometimes helps..)
I have a dear friend from high school whom I recently got back in contact with in. This is has been great; she believes that God brought us together for a reason, and that this could mean a wonderful turning point for me. I agree!
She understands and empathizes so well, partly due to her kind nature, but also cause her brother suffers from MS and her elderly mom is ill as well. So she is very empathetic..She is also very busy with work, family and the above,so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. But Im thankful for her!
Thanks again for your support...and such kind words and for reading my less than concise posts!
I still believe that relief will come :(somehow!),but despite my pain issues and constant battle with medicine induced constipation,( or the "sensation of it " coming from these dang nerves!'
I think if could stop so being afraid of the future, I would get well much faster.
Hubby's emotional support could do wonders too.
Thanks again and my best wishes to you all.
I hope that you have the support that you need.
I am always here to listen as well.
xo
Kathy
Thx so much for your kind and supportive replies. Your advice is really appreciated.. Its helps to know that what I did was a human reaction, caused by dealing with these issues daily.
I do hold much anger for my husband ( tho I know he loves me and treasures our family).
I can remember only once in 8 years , that he commented to me how hard this must be!
And that was when he saw me get yet another useless nerve block..
I would love to have to have his respect expressed occasionally!
His brother- a much warmer and and empathetic person--- always asks how I'm doing... The closest to praise I heard from hubby was "about the same, but she's pretty tough". That was a couple yrs. back. Little does he know!
About my son, thx so much for understanding...My kids have witnessed arguments due to my frustration with my husbands lack of emotional support,in the past.
I think they' get' how we both, feel as they love us both. They seem to be happy and healthy kids... I pray that it stays that way!
I spoke to my son by phone; he acted completely normal, said all was fine at school. So I decided it was best to not bring up my silly comment I made in anger and sent by mistake.
When he gets home for the Thanksgiving holiday I will be able to tell if its something he wants to talk about.
One thing I heard on a talk show was that teen-age boys tend to identify with dads more than their moms,, and the opposite of course with teen-age girls. I sometimes worry that my boys witness my husband's attitude and think maybe Mom is just being emotional, or maybe its not as bad etc.
But my common sense tells me they know otherwise.(they're young adults at ages 20 and 22,and they know me well after many healthy years of raising them (as said by my oldest son).
They also know me as an active social being who at this point in life wouldn't be hanging around the house as much, unless there was pain.
About my husband, I think we could benefit tremendously from counseling, so that we each learn to relate more to how the other is feeling. My therapist once even sent him a kind email (letter) explaining how much emotional as well as physical pain I was in, and gently advised couples counseling .
My husband (stubborn guy that he is) never said a word about it. Tho I was angry, I wasn't surprised!...One cannot even hint that he may need to work on his issues as well, ' his thick "pride" kicks in and he gets insulted.
About Boston, I am going to look into it more with the patient who told me, and if its worthwhile to her, maybe husband may soften.. after all,as you said, Violet, we are used to this trip and can visit our son
Just having a doc with experience in dosing a pump for PN could make a world of difference. By the time this happens. it will be Dec anyway, but it's good to have Boston as a possible back up.
It would take a world of stress off of me and I bet lower the pain, if I had more loving treatment from him.
(He's a good person.. and he does make simple meals,when I don't cook.)
BTW If anyone has a similar type of stubborn, prideful spouse and has gotten them to go to counseling regarding the pain issue,(as it affects the whole family), I'd appreciate your thoughts about how you got him/or her ...to go. I've thought of writing a letter and pouring out my thoughts, but Im not sure if he would ignore this one, too. I know he that considers this "My problem " not his ( ie -- I should keep it more to myself.. hard to do when pain is un- relenting. (venting as we know sometimes helps..)
I have a dear friend from high school whom I recently got back in contact with in. This is has been great; she believes that God brought us together for a reason, and that this could mean a wonderful turning point for me. I agree!
She understands and empathizes so well, partly due to her kind nature, but also cause her brother suffers from MS and her elderly mom is ill as well. So she is very empathetic..She is also very busy with work, family and the above,so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. But Im thankful for her!
Thanks again for your support...and such kind words and for reading my less than concise posts!
I still believe that relief will come :(somehow!),but despite my pain issues and constant battle with medicine induced constipation,( or the "sensation of it " coming from these dang nerves!'
I think if could stop so being afraid of the future, I would get well much faster.
Hubby's emotional support could do wonders too.
Thanks again and my best wishes to you all.
I hope that you have the support that you need.
I am always here to listen as well.
xo
Kathy
Re: Vicodin and crying, depression
Katy,
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. Glad your outlook sounds better and you have a friend to help fill the support gap a bit. I do hope in time the Boston trip will work out. Take Care
Janet
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. Glad your outlook sounds better and you have a friend to help fill the support gap a bit. I do hope in time the Boston trip will work out. Take Care
Janet
2007-08 pelvic muscles spasms treated by EGS. 6/27/10 sat too long on hard chair- spasms, EGS not work Botox help, cortisone shots in coccyx help, still pain, PT found PNE & sent me to Dr Marvel nerve blocks & MRN, TG left surgery 5/9/11. I have chronic bunion pain surgery at age 21. TG gave me back enough sitting to keep my job & join in some social activities. I wish the best to everyone! 2019 luck with orthotics from pedorthist & great PT allowing me to get off oxycodone.