Hi I am from Taiwan

[zephyrho]

The fact is doctors gave both of us those fancy schmancy diagnostics but that did not resolve our problems.

The men posting about over masturbation must have something else going on in their lives. It is a compulsive behavior and they probably do not disclose some other key issues. People repress a lot by doing that. Things like loneliness, low self-esteem, and many other negative feelings. They are clearly not in a fulfilled and healthy relationship when that happens.

The doctor from the pain clinic said to me, ''you don't have PNE but defintely PN''.

The year when I had the masturbation, I was anxious for finding a job and didn't realize what I was doing.
and maybe some other negative relationship between family members.
before that year, I didn't have that ideas to masturbate.

And also quot from susanjane of the guilty feeling of mastubation,
every time after I masturbated, I felt really bad cos it's not sth a girl could do in my culture,
I told myself not to do it again with a lot of guilt.

Before the pn and pelvic pain happened, I was in Tokyo for five months for working,
which is really stressful that I didn't really sleep well for these months.
urination frequency happened a lot in these months.
and then rough sexual actitivties the ex boyfriend did...

Could it be physical and pyschological?

[ezer]

Again, I am not a doctor and I am not diagnosing you (I do hope that you have been tested for STDs though).
It is my belief that once you address your emotions and stop obsessing about your symptoms, your pelvic floor releases and eventually you go back to normal or homeostasis.
Don't get fixated about the past. What is done is done and obsessing about what could have been makes no difference.

You only had sex! Not a major pelvic surgery or a near fatal car accident!

[Susanjane]

Dear Zephyro

"Could it be physical and psychological?"

You could say it already is. You have the physical pain and the mental suffering.

The important question is, which came first: (significant) physical trauma leading to chronic pain and then mental anguish (body affecting the mind), or underlying psychological anguish (emotions) leading to chronic pain "triggered" by a relatively minor physical event (mind affecting the body or psychosomatic).

Clearly you are carrying a lot of guilt. Without realising it, you may even have feelings that because you have done something you perceive to be wrong, there must be continual punishment for it. A PAIN-FEAR-TENSION-MORE PAIN cycle is created and it has to be broken one way or another in order to progress. I do hope you will find a way. Susanjane

[zephyrho]

Dear Ezer,

I have seen a lot of gynecologist, they told me everything is fine,
maybe a little bit infection but they said infection doesn't cause any pain.

and when you mentioned letting your emotions out, do you think pain( the emotion after this pain) or anything else but the pain?
Recently I have bought Jon Kabat-Zinn and Eckhart Tolle's book, they both mentioned don't judge the disease or pain,
just look at it, for me it's quite difficult...
if I follow the mind body connection, in the future could I have sex without pain?
Everyday every minute I think I shouldn't have masturbated, again and again, never stop....

Dear Susanjane,

yes a lot of guilt, I think I cause my labia so sensitive and pain, I shouldn't have done that.
like what you said, body affecting the mind and maybe the other way round.
I think you are right, there should be a way to stop to start the healing journey.

Thank you so much!

Zephyro

[Susanjane]

Dear Zephyro

if I follow the mind body connection, in the future could I have sex without pain?
Everyday every minute I think I shouldn't have masturbated, again and again, never stop....

The first of these statements is concerned with the future and the second with the past. You cannot do anything about either of them. Read John Kabat Zinn and Eckhart Tolle and try to follow their advice, which is concerned with living 'in the moment' and accepting things as they are. Your thoughts will then be focused on trying to get better. It may not be easy, but remember also that the gynaecologists you've seen say you are basically healthy which is good news.

Good luck!
Susanjane

[ezer]

Zephyro,

Susanjane is right. Your mind does not want to stay in the present and constantly goes back and forth.
It is a skill you need to slowly master. Catch yourself every time you have guilty or regretful thoughts. Those thoughts don't accomplish anything and simply make your mind more upset. Get back to the present. It does not need to be perfect. Anything helps.

Regarding emotions you need to feel your emotions and not think about them. You need to feel the primary emotions that triggered your pain (guilt and regrets), not the emotions associated with the pain (frustration and fear).
If you address "guilt and regrets" and the pain goes away, your emotions around "frustration and fear" will automatically go away. If you address "frustration and fear" that won't help your primary emotions that triggered your pain.

But again I want to make clear that you have to feel your emotions, not think about them. Thinking about negative emotions does not accomplish anything.

[zephyrho]

Dear Susanjane and Ezer,

Thank you so much for the detailed reply.

I had pubis pain first and with vulva niddle pain, and now vuvla niddle pain with labia weird sensation.
A physiatrist used ESWT( a machine that can fix the muscle as they said) on my vulva.
they said it's helpful to the blood circle.
now is labia extremely sensitive to be touched...
I think a patient will try anything the doctor said even though it is not suitable.

yes, back and forth, I will keep thinking'' what have I done to cause this?''
and then ''Will I be normal like other people who can have sex, get marry and have babies?''

and could I ask you how to deal with the self-esteem feelings.
For examples, do you tell your friends you have the pain?
How do you feel or react when you see other are so normal?

Thanks xxx

Zephyro

[Susanjane]

Dear Zephyro

I’m guessing that you have been avoiding your friends and social occasions, perhaps because your pain restricts what you can do – sit, stand, travel etc. Also, the condition itself is embarrassing to explain to others and the associated feelings of guilt will have seriously affected your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. A lot for a young person to deal with.

If the physical limitations are not too bad, it would be best to try and maintain some sense of normality with your friends. Regarding the PN, you can explain it in general terms (it’s a pelvic/gynaecological/ladies problem) which has affected you quite badly and you hope they will understand you may not be your usual self for the time being. You have absolutely no need to tell them every little detail and you will probably find they won’t press you on this matter either. As for self-esteem/self-worth, you have no idea what goes on in 'normal' peoples’ lives – it’s likely that they all have their own problems of one kind or another.

So, if you can find it in yourself to maintain those friendships which mean the most to you and join in socially some of the time, I’m sure you would find it beneficial. Pacing yourself will be important so that you don’t get overwhelmed. This is how I coped - hope it helps! Susanjane x

[zephyrho]

Thank you Susanjane,

Recently, I went out with some of my friends,
I found condition was not bad when talking to them.

One doctor told me that too much orgasm could probably cause pelvic pain or vulva pain.
What do you think about that?

I read your post by detailed again( The power of mind) which is a brave and inspiring journey!
And you mentioned that ''discomfort gradually faded'', what kind of discomfort does it like?
and did you felt so annoying by the discomfort or you had the confidence that it will go away?

I would like to try the body mind conncetion like you and Ezer have done.
but I know deep inside my mind I still think that I cause my vulva pain and PN pain.
Maybe it's the humanity...
On the other hand, I think if masturbate or vigorous sexuality cause PN or Vulva uncomfortable,
there will be more women and men suffering by this..( I know my mind doesn't stay in the present...)

Thank you! x

Zephyro

[Rosemary]

but I know deep inside my mind I still think that I cause my vulva pain and PN pain.
Maybe it's the humanity...
On the other hand, I think if masturbate or vigorous sexuality cause PN or Vulva uncomfortable,
there will be more women and men suffering by this..( I know my mind doesn't stay in the present...)

Thank you! x

Zephyro

Zephyro

You mention that you have been to a pain clinic - have the pain clinic got a Pain Psychologist who you could talk to ?

i saw one and we talked about my feelings of guilt that i had caused my pain myself - she said many people can blame themselves after incident that leaves them in chronic pain.
The example she gave was someone jumping a fence and injurying their leg which resulted in chronic pain - they would say "why oh why did i jump that fence".
so why should pain in a different area of your body cause you more guilt - it need not be any different to the pain in the leg example. It is just that you feel people will judge you if you say that you masturbated.

I feel guilty like you but all i am doing is making myself feel bad in the end and it is not helping the pain or any recovery.

Hope that makes some sense.

Rosemary X