Too Tired
By: AthenasMommy 12/9/10
I'm too tired
To pick up my pen
Write a new song
A new something again
Too much going on
In these 110 pounds
Don't have enough left
Not for even another round
Wait!
Gotta go on....
There's something burning inside
A small little flame...
And, no, not the pain
The flame of hope
Of faith, of cheer
Oh, just remembered
It's "the most wonderful time of the year."
Turn over.
Ouch, ouch.
A stab, and a stick
A shocking, a crackling
A burnt candle wick
Is the end of my nerve
At the end of it's tunnel.
There's light?
Oh, yeah...
It's a tunnel; must be light.
No more fight
The bars have been cut down
Regeneration is here!!!
Oh... but the FEAR!
In swaddling, downy sheets
Lies my stripped flesh
Bathed in the blood
The injection, the flood
Pulling. Stretching.
Ouch that really hurts!
Want to know more?
Doesn't end...
Oh, wait. Yes it will. It will! It must!!
I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten...
Yeah. When my PT was a-beatin'
Beating down on that "spasm."
Ha. Ha, ha ha. You were wrong.
I was right.
I knew. I KNEW.
God showed me. I knew.
Show me again...
Show me
The end.
Too Tired
Too Tired
Daughter grew completely on left side of pelvis
Multiple uterine surgeries to fix uterine adhesions, septum, and endo
Had all the conservative workups done, 3Tesla (Potter), recovering from L sided TG (Hibner) 11/10, Botox 6/11 failed, bilateral anterior PNE decompression (distal Alcock's/perineal branch), Aszmann, Vienna, 10/11; dx'd with CRPS Type 2, 12/11, Ketamine @ CCF 2/12, doing 75% better PRAISE JESUS!
http://fighting-pne.blogspot.com
http://www.thepelvicmessenger.org
Multiple uterine surgeries to fix uterine adhesions, septum, and endo
Had all the conservative workups done, 3Tesla (Potter), recovering from L sided TG (Hibner) 11/10, Botox 6/11 failed, bilateral anterior PNE decompression (distal Alcock's/perineal branch), Aszmann, Vienna, 10/11; dx'd with CRPS Type 2, 12/11, Ketamine @ CCF 2/12, doing 75% better PRAISE JESUS!
http://fighting-pne.blogspot.com
http://www.thepelvicmessenger.org
Re: Too Tired
A's Mommy,
I've read that compelling art often comes from pain. Your poem really spoke to me. Very inspiring. Made me cry and feel better all at the same time.
I've read that compelling art often comes from pain. Your poem really spoke to me. Very inspiring. Made me cry and feel better all at the same time.
Mild to moderate PN for 5 plus years, pain controlled by lyrica and opiates.
Nerve block (unguided) 9/10 Dr. Jerome Weiss - sciatica for 5 months but got numb in painful perineal/scrotal area - he diagnosed entrapment - but no more cortisone for me
Potter MRI 5/11 - rt STL entrapment of PN at Alcocks
Consult with Dr. Hibner Feb. 2012
Bilateral inguinal hernias diagnosed by dynamic ultrasound - surgery on 6/20/13
Feeling a little better, a few more months will tell
Nerve block (unguided) 9/10 Dr. Jerome Weiss - sciatica for 5 months but got numb in painful perineal/scrotal area - he diagnosed entrapment - but no more cortisone for me
Potter MRI 5/11 - rt STL entrapment of PN at Alcocks
Consult with Dr. Hibner Feb. 2012
Bilateral inguinal hernias diagnosed by dynamic ultrasound - surgery on 6/20/13
Feeling a little better, a few more months will tell
Re: Too Tired
Beautiful work, AM!
I absolutely love this and am so impressed that you're using your pain for something constructive.
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt and inspiring poem.
Love,
Karyn
I absolutely love this and am so impressed that you're using your pain for something constructive.
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt and inspiring poem.
Love,
Karyn
Ultra Sound in 03/08 showed severely retroverted, detaching uterus with mulitple fibroids and ovarian cysts.
Pressure and pain in lower abdomen and groin area was unspeakable and devastating.
Total lap hysterectomy in 06/08, but damage was already done.
EMG testing in NH in 04/10 - bilateral PN and Ilioinguals
3T MRI at HSS, NY in 09/10
Bilateral TG surgery with Dr. Conway on 03/29/11. Bilat ilioinguinal & iliohypogastric neurectomy 03/12. TCD surgery 04/14.
Pressure and pain in lower abdomen and groin area was unspeakable and devastating.
Total lap hysterectomy in 06/08, but damage was already done.
EMG testing in NH in 04/10 - bilateral PN and Ilioinguals
3T MRI at HSS, NY in 09/10
Bilateral TG surgery with Dr. Conway on 03/29/11. Bilat ilioinguinal & iliohypogastric neurectomy 03/12. TCD surgery 04/14.
Re: Too Tired
Great poem.
2/07 LAVH and TOT 7/07 TOT right side removed 9/07 IL, IH and GN neuropathy 11/07 PN - Dr. Howard
6/08 Obturator neuralgia - Dr. Conway 11/08 Disability, piriformis syndrome - Dr. Howard
4/09 Bilateral obturator decompression surgery, BLL RSD - Dr. Howard
9/10 Removed left side TOT, botox, re-evaluate obturator nerve - Dr. Hibner
2/11 LFCN and saphenous neuralgia - Dr. Dellon 2/11 MRI with Dr. Potter - confirmed entrapment
5/11 Right side TG - Dr. Hibner 2012 Left side TG - Dr. Hibner
6/08 Obturator neuralgia - Dr. Conway 11/08 Disability, piriformis syndrome - Dr. Howard
4/09 Bilateral obturator decompression surgery, BLL RSD - Dr. Howard
9/10 Removed left side TOT, botox, re-evaluate obturator nerve - Dr. Hibner
2/11 LFCN and saphenous neuralgia - Dr. Dellon 2/11 MRI with Dr. Potter - confirmed entrapment
5/11 Right side TG - Dr. Hibner 2012 Left side TG - Dr. Hibner
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LottaNerve
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Re: Too Tired
A's Mommy,
I wrote a big long response to your beautiful, touching poem and when I went to submit it, the forum asked me to sign in again (I guess I took too long writing it!). Anyway, when I went back to the page my response was gone!
I wanted you to know how deeply it touched me. I felt the sadness and the fear, yet it always returned to the hope and positive feelings.
I'm glad you are telling it like it is so others can know what we deal with every day, the pain, the fear, the losses. And the fact that we never know if we will be one of the ones who get better or not is always scary. It is the fear of the unknown. I will be four months out from surgery after Christmas, at the end of December. We are wondering whether I will be able to dance under the mistletoe or if I will spend much of the day in bed or on the couch as I do now. My husband says that's going to be his Christmas gift - getting me back, or getting "us" back. We have lost so much of our lives and dreams to this.
With love,
Sharon
I wrote a big long response to your beautiful, touching poem and when I went to submit it, the forum asked me to sign in again (I guess I took too long writing it!). Anyway, when I went back to the page my response was gone!
I wanted you to know how deeply it touched me. I felt the sadness and the fear, yet it always returned to the hope and positive feelings.
I'm glad you are telling it like it is so others can know what we deal with every day, the pain, the fear, the losses. And the fact that we never know if we will be one of the ones who get better or not is always scary. It is the fear of the unknown. I will be four months out from surgery after Christmas, at the end of December. We are wondering whether I will be able to dance under the mistletoe or if I will spend much of the day in bed or on the couch as I do now. My husband says that's going to be his Christmas gift - getting me back, or getting "us" back. We have lost so much of our lives and dreams to this.
With love,
Sharon
http://www.icandpne.wordpress.com
1995 First symptoms of PNE and IC
8/2010 Dr. Hibner, left TG- failed surgery.
3/2011 & 10/2011 - Dr. Dellon, left dorsal/perineal neurolysis -also failed.
1/2012 3-day ketamine infusions. Pain-free for several days! Bladder flared from IC.
11/2012 Intrathecal pain pump (bupivacaine, clonidine, morphine) Dr. Joshua Prager, UCLA.
2/13 My pain is reduced!
5/15 Living life again!
1995 First symptoms of PNE and IC
8/2010 Dr. Hibner, left TG- failed surgery.
3/2011 & 10/2011 - Dr. Dellon, left dorsal/perineal neurolysis -also failed.
1/2012 3-day ketamine infusions. Pain-free for several days! Bladder flared from IC.
11/2012 Intrathecal pain pump (bupivacaine, clonidine, morphine) Dr. Joshua Prager, UCLA.
2/13 My pain is reduced!
5/15 Living life again!
Re: Too Tired
A fantastic poem.
Tried numerous medications as well as a long period of myofascial physical therapy combined with meditation/relaxation. My pelvic floor muscles are now normal and relaxed on exam ( confirmed by many Pelvic floor PTs) yet my pain remains the same. Also have intense leg pain. Deciding on next treatment.
Re: Too Tired
I love your poem, AM, I have read it over and over and see more in it each time. Wish I could be so creative. There are so many beautiful writers in this group.
Diagnosed with left side PN by Dr Renney, March 2010, after over 2 years of searching for help
Left TG Surgery, Dr Ansell, August 2010, failed to relieve pain
Left TG Surgery, Dr Ansell, August 2010, failed to relieve pain